CAULDRON BLACK RAM – STALAGMIRE (20 Buck Spin)

Even though ‘Stalagmire’ isn’t necessarily bad all the way through, there is more than enough terribleness included to render the album something of an aural nightmare. Those twiddly Iron Maiden-y guitar parts in the opening gambit ‘Fork Through Pitch’, for example, make me want to get sick. I cannot understand why a co-called Black / Death Metal unit would want to (re)create retro passages like that.

At the end of the day (and I know this seems like a major contradiction), I cannot tolerate pure Heavy Metal or Thrash Metal (!), so when there is even the slightest leaning or nod towards these obsolete shitfests, I avert my ears.

While there is no doubt that Cauldron Black Ram have the capacity to conjure a proper, relevant, punch-packing album without the cheddar factor, for now, the Aussies are choosing not to do so for one reason or another. All things considered, this release sounds fairly ridiculous.

Evilometer: 000/666